Tragedy In A Small Community

Ever since Wednesday August 15, I have not been myself.  Life has become empty feeling and very emotional.  I have not wanted to do much of anything, although I have been forcing myself to do somethings. 

Being a part of our community's EMS as a volunteer firefighter/diver and former EMT and also a First Responder instructor I have often talked about, taught about and experienced CIS or Critical Incident Stress.  Different incidents effect different people in different ways, but I have never experienced it like this.  YUCK! 

I have seen death and severe injury in many ways from heart attacks and car accidents, to drownings.  I have been on rescues and recoveries.  This recovery was not my first dive recovery of a child, but my first since I have been a mother and to help in the recovery of a little girl about the same age and size of my girls has left me shaken.  There are so many things that I want to talk about, many are frustrations and anger but others are hope for how the community came together for a little girl. 

A little girl that I had never met before went missing on the evening of August 14.  I missed the original page that night and woke the next morning to it all over facebook.  We made a few calls and got up to speed and then got the page for help that morning.  We spent the entire day searching.  I have to admit, I had a bad feeling right from the get go that this was going to end in recovery and not rescue.  I have no idea why, maybe just mother's intuition or something else, only God knows but I hoped that I was wrong. 

Once she was found by a fellow diver and I held that little body, I could actually feel the other diver's heart beat through her still body. She had been in the water for somewhere close to 24 hours or so.  My heart broke as I held her, thinking of a life cut short and of the 3 little lives back home that were waiting for Mom and Dad to come home.  I held myself together, as I knew I would, saddened at the fact that this had been a recovery and not a rescue.  The next few hours were spent setting up to drain the canal and thinking.  Thinking about the actions of the parents and how this tragedy happened.  Now I will be the first to admit that kids disappear in the blink of an eye, but some of these actions really sent up red flags in my mind and sorrow and anger in my heart. 

Sadness and anger have followed me as I have heard stories and comments from others regarding these events.  This originally brought a community together and now is tearing things down.  People gave up their time, energy, resources and emotions for this cause and still others feel they have the right to belittle and tear them down.  I have heard of people saying that our Fire Dept. did not do enough to help find this girl.  Excuse me!!!!  We found her! It wasn't the outcome we wanted, but it wouldn't have changed that outcome if we would have found her earlier.  She was gone before officials even knew she was missing.  There have been people pitted against each other demanding justice, but not being patient enough to actually wait for investigations to be completed.  People, please let the officers do their jobs.  People tearing down the parents for their neglect.  I don't condone their actions or lack their of, but they did lose a child and that is something that a parent should never have to experience.  This is a time to band together as a community to be able to heal, not tear each other down.

I am thankful for all those who came from everywhere to lend a hand, a prayer, a bottle of water, what ever it was.  This was a community with a common goal, find a little girl.  I am thankful to say I am a part of this community, in spite of those who see the need to be negative.  I am proud to call many in this community "family" even though many have no blood relation what so ever.  We will get through this, I will get through this, all in time.

Rest in Peace little Reena.  A life cut short and a soul now with God.